Calming phrases that promote connection with Children

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When children are overwhelmed, upset, anxious or experience really big feelings, finding the right words can sometimes be difficult.

In these moments, calm and reassuring words from a trusted adult can help a child to feel safe, understood, and supported. You don’t always need to fix the problem or make the feeling disappear, in fact it is great to simply just acknowledge the feeling with the child, providing calming reassurance and sometimes simply being there and helping them through the emotion is enough. Children like to feel validated in their feelings. If we minimise a child and don’t “hear” how that child is telling us they are feeling, then that can lead to difficulties in the sense of security within the relationship shared.

Here are some 'go to' calming phrases that you can keep handy for those tricky moments that provide reassurance and connection.

You are safe, I’m right here with you.
Take a slow breath with me.
Your feelings are okay.
We can handle this together.
You don’t have to rush.
Let’s pause for a moment.
I hear you.
You are not in trouble.
It’s okay to feel upset.
Your body has big feelings sometimes.
Let’s take one step at a time.
You are loved.
I’m listening.
You can try again.
Mistakes help us learn.
You don’t have to be perfect.
Let’s breathe in and out.
You are doing your best.
I believe in you.
This feeling will pass.
You are stronger than you feel.
Let’s find a quiet spot.
I can help you.
You are allowed to need help.
Let’s slow down.
Your voice matters.
I’m proud of you for trying.
You can tell me what happened.
I’m not going anywhere.
Let’s count to five together.
You are important.
It’s okay to cry.
You can feel mad and still be kind.
Let’s use gentle hands.
You can take a break.
We’ll figure it out.
You are not alone.
Your feelings make sense.
Let’s try a calm voice.
You can choose what helps.
I see this is hard.
Let’s relax your shoulders.
Put your hand on your heart.
Feel your feet on the floor.
Let’s breathe like we’re smelling flowers.

Using the phrases above is only one part of the puzzle piece, though, so we have included in this blog some strategies and phrases that work to help children understand their feelings too.

Let’s name the feeling – Are you feeling sad, mad, scared, or worried?
You can use your words.
I want to understand.
Let’s try again slowly.
You have choices.
You can say, “I need a break.”
You can say, “Please help me.”
You can say, “I feel upset.”
Your calm body and mind will come back.
Let’s make your body feel safe.
You are loved even when you’re upset.
I love you no matter what.
This is a moment, not forever.
Let’s take three deep breaths.
You can squeeze my hand.
Let’s sit together.
You don’t have to talk yet.
I’ll wait with you.
Let’s make this smaller.
What is one thing we can do now?
You are brave.
Your brain needs a little break.
Let’s find something soft to hold.
Let’s look around the room.
Name one thing you can see.
Name one thing you can hear.
Name one thing you can feel.
You’re having a tough moment.
Tough moments don’t make you bad.
You are a good kid having a hard time.
We can restart.
Let’s try a do-over.
You are learning.
I’m on your team.
We can solve this calmly.
It’s okay to need time.
Your body is calming down.
Breathe in peace.
Breathe out worry.
Let’s make your breath slow and steady.
You are safe in this moment.
I’ve got you.
You can rest.
You don’t have to carry this alone.
Let’s use kind words.
You are capable.

To finish, a little reminder:

Children don’t always need the perfect answer. They just need to know that they have a trusted adult that they can count on to emotionally coach them through difficult moments. To trust and understand that you are there, they are safe, their feelings are OK and that they don’t have to work through them alone. When we support children in their early years with emotional competency, this does set them up well for being able to problem solve, develop resilience and a sense of belonging so we encourage you to save this list for when emotions are running high and to remember that connection comes before correction.

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