Helping little ones with big feelings
We’ve all been there! Your child falls over, gets frustrated, has to share a favourite toy or bursts into tears because something hasn’t gone their way.
Anei au, tō pou whirinaki
Here I am, your support to lean on
Our natural response is often to say:
“You’re okay!”
“Don’t cry!”
“You’re alright!”
We say these things because we love our children and want them to feel better.
But here’s something worth thinking about…
They might be physically okay, but emotionally they're not feeling okay right now.
And that’s perfectly normal!
Communication - mana reo
What does good look like?
So, what can we say instead?
Next time your little one is upset, try acknowledging how they’re feeling.
Instead of “You’re okay!”
Try “I can see you’re upset. I’m here.”
Instead of “Don’t cry!”
Try “It’s okay to feel sad!”
Instead of “There’s nothing to cry about!”
Try “That was disappointing, wasn’t it?”
Instead of “Come on, you’re fine!”
Try “Would you like a cuddle, or would you like me to sit beside you?”
Sometimes, Less is More.
When children are upset, we don’t always need to fix the problem or stop the tears. Sometimes all they need is for us to:
- Get down to their level.
- Speak gently and calmly.
- Let them know we’re there.
- Offer a cuddle if they want one.
- Sit quietly nearby and give them time.
You don’t have to make the tears stop. Just let them know they’re not alone.
By acknowledging feelings, they learn that:
Why does this matter?
Young children are still learning how to understand and manage their feelings. When we stay calm and support them through those big emotions, we’re helping them learn how to manage their feelings as they grow.
Here's a little example...
Your child is upset because someone has taken their toy.
Instead of saying: “You’re okay! Go and find something else to play with.”
Try: “You were still playing with that, weren’t you? I can see you’re upset. I’m here.” Give them a little time, offer comfort, and when they’re ready, help them work out what to do next.
You’re not giving in or encouraging the crying. You’r helping them feel heard and understood.
A little reminder
Supporting big feelings doesn’t mean giving in! We can still set boundaries while showing kindness and understanding. Remember…
We don’t always need to fix the feeling. Sometimes just being there is enough. Next time your child is upset, try swapping “You’re okay” for “I can see you’re upset. I’m here.”
A small change that can make a big difference in helping children feel safe, loved and understood.